Did we cuss this much in high school?

Maybe it’s an 80s thing. They had a fixation with particular four-letter words back then. Dude, like, whoa, fuck… you know, the standard exclamations.

Potty mouths aside, David Greenwalt’s 1985 film “Secret Admirer” has got to be the best kept secret the teen romp genre. With an almost nonexistent plot – boy falls in love with babe, ignores hotter and more likely to bone best friend, confusion, nudity and comedy ensue - this film still manages to get the job done. The job being a 90-minute episode of pre-Spelling 90210 with a healthy dose of f-bombs and one pair of barely legal boobs.

Long before she married John Travolta, Kelly Preston was a bodacious Cold War era hottie with big hair and even bigger breasts. Preston later resumes her role as topless queen bitch in “Jerry Maguire” as Tom Cruise’s soulless fiancé. The still buxom Preston stars in the only other memorable scene – besides the Cruise/Zellweger "you complete me" nonsense – during which Preston commands Cruise to, "Fuck me harder! Fuck me harder!"

This time it’s C. Thomas Howell doing his best to get into Preston’s pants but with less steamy results. On the advice of his dimwit date rape van driving buddy, Howell attributes an anonymous love letter he receives on the last day of school to his long time crush played by Preston. The rest of his summer vacation is spent stalking, wooing and feeling up the valley girl with help from his best plutonic girlfriend.

Maybe it’s my affinity for sassy brunettes but the real gem in this film is Lori Loughlin. Watching her pout her pretty lips throughout the film will have you scolding Howell for neglecting his smart and sexy best friend. You'll remember Loughlin from Full House as John Stamos' girlfriend/wife. She’s the hottest T.V. mother of twins ever and likely the only reason anyone watched Full House.

“Secret Admirer” is fun, silly, and at times laughably trite but the acting is not awful and the 80s stereotypes with matching wardrobes are worth watching. And there’s a special treat for 80s film buffs with a keen eye… watch for a very young Corey Haim, delivering deft one liners, sporting wayfarers and perfecting his cool guy teen pin-up acting chops long before Lost Boys.

It’s charming, in a smutty teen comedy way and so, “Secret Admirer” gets two thumbs up, the original Siskel & Ebert style. One for Kelly Preston's 18-year-old perfectly tanned and all natural boobies and another for a first glimpse of Corey Haim clowning on film. - Mathew Ward